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Dating apps suck. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you’re looking for a real relationship or a genuine connection? HA! Good luck out there. Not only are you competing against a ton of other men and women to get noticed, but you also have to try to keep the person’s attention once you are. That isn’t easy when there are so many options out there for people to swipe on. How many times have you had a match that went nowhere? No “hey”, no “yo”, no “sup”? Now, how many times have you had a conversation where that’s all you’ve been sent? How many times has a conversation randomly died? Probably a lot.
Be yourself, be open, and be HONEST. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone when you can’t be yourself anyways? Think about it. You’re going to end up being a person you don’t want to be, doing things you don’t want to do, probably with someone you don’t want to be with. So someone likes some pictures of you. Who cares? Pictures are just a start. Conversing and being yourself is where the real magic happens. Talk about your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your life experiences, your online dating experiences—talk about it all. If you want someone to connect with you, you need to be open enough to connect with them too.
I love making things that put smiles on people’s faces. Author, web designer, freelance writer, blogger, hockey player, gamer & general creative.
Love & Relationships
By Zac M. Skuba
Dating apps suck. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you’re looking for a real relationship or a genuine connection? HA! Good luck out there. Not only are you competing against a ton of other men and women to get noticed, but you also have to try to keep the person’s attention once you are. That isn’t easy when there are so many options out there for people to swipe on. How many times have you had a match that went nowhere? No “hey”, no “yo”, no “sup”? Now, how many times have you had a conversation where that’s all you’ve been sent? How many times has a conversation randomly died? Probably a lot.
Maybe you’re someone who goes on lots of dates and uses dating apps for hookups. Maybe you’re having a ton of success in that department and that’s all you want. If that’s the case, great. This isn’t written for those people. This is a piece for the people looking for a genuinely perfect soulmate and best friend (which, by the way, still seems impossible to me despite having found mine).
Let’s get the easiest one out of the way first. Put in a little effort. It seems soooo simple but for lots of people, this is the most ridiculous concept in the world. I started the conversation with my fiancé with “Hey! How’s single mom life treating you?” I mean, she thought I was making fun of her when I said it (which I wasn’t) but that isn’t the point. The point is, the conversation got started. I asked her a question about herself. I wanted to get to know her. This one small little sentence led to giant text messages back and forth as we talked to each other about everything. It really can be that simple—which leads me to my next piece of advice.
Be yourself, be open, and be HONEST. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone when you can’t be yourself anyways? Think about it. You’re going to end up being a person you don’t want to be, doing things you don’t want to do, probably with someone you don’t want to be with. So someone likes some pictures of you. Who cares? Pictures are just a start. Conversing and being yourself is where the real magic happens. Talk about your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your life experiences, your online dating experiences—talk about it all. If you want someone to connect with you, you need to be open enough to connect with them too.
It’s gonna happen a lot but you can’t get discouraged. Remember, nobody owes you anything. In fact, embrace the rejection. Rejection means your time isn’t going to be wasted with the wrong person. “But I know she’d be the right person if she just gave me a chance.” How many times have you told yourself that line? Listen, it isn’t going to happen. Maybe you give it a couple of tries or you give one more really solid effort if you thought your first attempt at conversing was weak—but if you’re done, you’re done. Accept that fact, take some time to feel how you feel, and move on. They weren’t the right person. Because the right person will give you the time of day, they’ll talk to you, and they’ll be as interested in you as you are in them.
There are lots of people on dating apps, which means there are lots of people to match with. Maybe you had this awesome match a couple of hours ago and you didn’t have time to send them a message… and now they aren’t responding to you. Maybe someone changed their mind about you and they aren’t interested in chatting anymore. Maybe a person insulted you on the Internet of all places!?!?! You need to understand that’s just the way things go sometimes. If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be.
Not everyone wants a relationship—plain and simple. Some people are on these apps for fun, some people want an ego boost by getting tons of attention, some want to hook up for one night or cheat on their significant other, some people are only interested in chatting, and sometimes someone might even just want to look around to see what’s out there. One of the reasons you should be open and honest right off the bat is to avoid these problems. It doesn’t matter how good-looking someone is if they don’t want the same thing you do.
There will be days when you stop trying and stop caring about finding your perfect partner. Honestly, that’s not a bad thing. Spend that time focusing on yourself, on your own life, and on your own goals. Relationships are hard and you’re going to want to make sure you’re the person you want to be when you start one. Otherwise, you’re going to deal with a lot of heartbreak on the way to finding “the one”. Because if you don’t know who you are, how is anyone else going to know? Work on yourself and come back when you’re ready. I deleted Tinder so many times but I came back and never stopped trying. You never know where or when you’ll find your person.
I spent 8 years on Tinder, 1 year on Plenty of Fish, 5 years on Bumble, 3 years on Hinge, and weeks at a time on other dating apps like Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid, Clover, and Zoosk. I never went on a single date using any of them until I met my fiancé on Tinder last year. No one else was worth my time or worth giving my single life up for. Trust me, I talked and put the effort in with a lot of people. Do you have any idea how many times I got ignored or rejected? A lot.
But I eventually found the one for me—despite the almost impossible circumstances—after downloading Tinder again for the 47th time in my life. I was actually going to delete it the very next morning, as I’d done plenty of times, but decided against it for whatever reason. Lo and behold, I finally found her. On the first day I downloaded Tinder again after a 2 year break. We could’ve easily missed each other but for whatever reason, we didn’t. That’s the wild thing about life sometimes.
The bottom line is that you can do it. You’ll probably delete these apps over and over again and develop a hatred for human beings, but just hit that little download button again every once in a while. You will find what you’re looking for if you stick with it and keep being your big, beautiful self.
No written content has been AI-generated